Fantasy President

Published on July 25, 2004 By Lenbert In Humor

I struggled for awhile about posting this in "Politics" or "Humor". I wish there was a way to post in both!

As I'm sitting here, watching Comedy Central's Top 100 Stand Up Comics, my thoughts drifted to our Presidential Candidates, both past and present. "What does this have to do with a Fantasy President", you ask?

Well, I can't get it out of my head at the moment, that the best potential President for the U.S., would be a Jewish Stand-up Comic.

Let me say immediately, that I am not Jewish, and this is in no way, intended to be an anti-Semitic post. Hell, I am a Polish Catholic. I can laugh at the various digs to Poles and Catholics, not to mention Polish Catholics. Consider this a praise to the multitude of stand-up comics who are of Jewish ethnicity.

The reason why I would select a Jewish Stand-up Comic as President are numerous, of which I will only hit on a couple of key points.

I look at all of the "old school" and "current" comics - from Phil Silvers, Cid Caesar, Milton Berle, Buddy Hacket, Dangerfield et al; to the comics of the late 20th century - Crystal, Carlin, Kaufman, Martin, Seinfeld, Richard Lewis et al; to all of the latest up and coming comics (which are too numerous to name).

First of all, they (Jewish Stand-up Comics) aren't afraid to laugh at themselves, either as individuals, as a family, or as a heritage. As far as I'm concerned, Reagan was the last person in office to laugh at his own faux paus', and he was neither Jewish, or a stand-up comic (all though this last point is up for discussion).

Secondly, they obviously have strong family ties. They are still intent on continuing a family tradition, whether it is a religious tradition or simply a weekly get-together for the nuclear family.

Third, they have the uncanny ability to take a step back and see a particular situation for what it really is.

Fourth, they are the "energizer" human beings! They just keep going and going! Berle, Hope and Burns kept going and going, right up until their passing. That is, without a doubt, a supreme comment on their fortitude and commitment!

And last, they would without a doubt, be able to balance a federal budget! Especially if their mom's were involved. "$500 for a toilet seat on Air Force One? No no no! $25 at Home Depot!"

Again, let me re-iterate that this certainly isn't intended to be anti-Semitic. Any Jewish stand-up comic reading this would almost certainly "get" it.

I am enamoured with the "old-style" comics. The one-liners, the rhythm is impeccable.

To me, it would have been endearing for Bush Sr to exclaim something akin to "No respect....no respect at all!" Or Clinton saying something akin to "Take my wife...PLEASE!"

I'll be here all week. Don't forget to try the veal and don't forget to tip your waitress.

In my best Jay London voice.....thank you.
LLS

Comments

greenie

on Jul 26, 2004

So, to review (with my best Marty Feldman eyes), in the last month you have stated:

Politicians should drop more F-bombs

Entertainers should stay out of politics and keep their opinions to themselves

Entertainers (Jewish stand-up comics) should be politicians

If a Jewish stand-up comic should be elected president it's clear they can drop an F-bomb, but can they give their opinions on politics?

Kikey Kikeman

on Jul 28, 2004

You forgot about our giant money-lending noses. We can use them to hammer open hard nuts to free the delictible meat inside. And the guilt -- don't forget about the guilt! We'd break the French PM in no time, merely by suggesting he call his Aunt Sophie more often.

You don't think we'd see a hundredfold increase in Arab-sponsored terrorist attacks with a Jewish president, instead of one who only genuflects to Israel?

If you were trying to be funny, you weren't. If you were serious, you're a racist prick. And a clueless one, at that.

Lenbert

on Jul 28, 2004

To KK

As I stated multiple times in the post, it certainly wasn't intended to be a racist remark. Obviously, it was my weak attempt at humor. Apologies if I offended.

The point that I was trying to make, which I probably should have come right out and stated, without using "Jewish Standup Comedians" as a vehicle for my statement, is that there is a lot to be said for someone comfortable in their heritage and traditions. But for some reason, the fact that I was watching the Comedy Central's Top 100 Comedians, the whole "family" idea seemed to be a common thread, and it was that idea that I decided to write about.

I am third-generation Polish. There is an extremely tight bond between my family members and myself. We are not ashamed of our Polish heritage. Before the nuclear family went our separate ways, we did the weekly Sunday dinners. Hell, as any tight nuclear family can attest, my mom was ALWAYS looking for better deals!

My post wasn't intended to be an ethnic slur. I have a big nose. My entire family has big noses. Who the f*ck cares? This is the United States, that we have up until recently called "the melting pot". Sooner or later there will be a female President. Sooner or later there will be a President of asian descent. Sooner or later there will be a President of Afro-American descent.

So?

Oh and BTW, regarding the John Kerry Bloodline.:
"The birth record says: "In the year 1873, on May 10th, was born Fritz Kohn, a legal son of Benedikt Kohn, master brewer in Bennisch, House 224, and his wife, Mathilde, daughter of Jakob Frankel, royal dealer in Oberlogau in Prussia." The record has a notation that Fritz Kohn changed his name to Frederick Kerry on March 17, 1902. That record does not mention a baptism. But the family says Frederick Kerry was a Catholic, and he is buried at a Catholic cemetery in Brookline."

Psssst! Don't tell the Arabian nations, ok? Or should we just elect him and open up the gates to the "hundredfold increase in Arab-sponsored terrorist attacks"? It is ultimately our choice.

LLS

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